“Trapped By Pain’s Games”

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More intimate
Than any
Of my relationships
It has been
Part of me
It knows me
Inside
And
Out
Pain
A sneaky
Cunning
Scheming
Devious
Deceitful
Unscrupulous
Son of a *itch
Has either
Been
My tormentor
Torturing me
Trying to break me
Into nothingness
Or
My lover
Loving on me
Caressing me
Sending me
Into ecstasy
Then causing
Me to cry
Afterwards
Because it
Walked out
Leaving me
For just
A moment
So I could
Panic
And
Think it
Is not coming back
It has been
Doing this
Continuously
Around the clock
Nonstop
My whole life
I can not
Escape from it
I have tried
Advoidance
Acceptance
Denial
Nothing has worked
I have
Noticed
It waits
When I feel
I am happy
It is gone
Then
It comes back
With a vengeance
Changing
Its face
And
Its strategy
To reenter
Into my life
Pain’s
Message to me
Is
It is not
Going anywhere
This burden
Will be
My baggage
That is not
Fully unpacked
Pouring out
Like
A bottomless pit
The contents
Are scattering
All around me
Boxing me in
So I can not
Move
It just
Wants me
To know
I can not
Run from it
It has me
And
Will not
Let go
NEVER

-Yellowbonewonda

“All Rights Reserved: The copyright holder retains all the rights provided by copyright law, such as distribution, performance, and creation of their work.

“Only Two Choices”

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Everyone thinks
By making plans
Guarantees
Their future
Nothing is
Promised
To anyone
In this
Group delusion
This can all end
Immediately
Causing us to
Drop dead
Where we stand
So don’t think
You’re special
Over another
Live your life
To the fullest
And be a good person
It’s a do
Or die situation
On countdown
And no one
Knows the end game
It is his gift
To give
On how long
He will put up
With the ignorance
Of people
Stop pretending
We have control
Of life
It’s an illusion
We live in a world
Of judgement
With simple choices
Live
Die
Love
Hate
There is no room
To play
In the middle
We are all puppets
Dancing
To the tune
Of two
Grand master gamers
Be aware
All your choices
Dictates who is
Your controller
Either you
Choose God or Satan
To be
The keeper
Of your soul
This will be
The most
Important decision
You’d make
So don’t order
Like you’re
Buying a Starbucks
This is for
Eternity
An Infinitant decision
Nothing to be
Taken lightly

-Yellowbonewonda

“All Rights Reserved: The copyright holder retains all the rights provided by copyright law, such as distribution, performance, and creation of their work.

“Need An Advocate For My Life”

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Do I keep
Walking
Or stand still
Until someone
Comes to
Find me
Waiting feels
Like a lifetime
And dying
Is an eternity
Either way
I risk
Being lost
It’s hell
In the middle of
Somewhere
Surrounded
By nothing
Wondering
Aimlessly
With
No direction
Just walking
In circles
Like I’m crazy
Looking
For something
That is rare
And hard to find
A piece
Of happiness
In the form
Of two pills
One states
Lie down
On my back
And die
The other
States
Stand tall
on my feet
And fight
To the death
If I have to
Either fate
By my hands
Are
Bad versus worst
Case scenario
I need
Something
More drastic
Taking all worries
Away
Of picking
The wrong one
So I’m
Giving it over
To a judger
A devil’s advocate
That is
Capable
Of weeding out
The ungrateful
And
The unworthy
With specific
Instructions
To give
My heart
To the one
Ready to die
For me
In order
To live
Forever
Up
In heaven
Beside me
With no
Fear
Deceit
Or
Heartache
To come
Home to

-Yellowbonewonda

“All Rights Reserved: The copyright holder retains all the rights provided by copyright law, such as distribution, performance, and creation of their work.

“I Value My Safety”

Why is it
That some people
Include me
In games
I don’t want
To play
Too many people
Putting me
In deadly situations
With riddles
That don’t
Make sense
And no
Plausible answers
To guess
I’m hanging
From
Death traps
I can not
Escape
There are no
Safety nets
To catch me
From sudden death

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I’m a guareenteed
Loser
In this game
When there
Are no
Rules
To keep me safe
I can not
Understand
Why there are
People
Happy at
Putting me
In danger
Because
They believe
My safety is
Not a value
To them
I am not
Put here
To be
Played with
Or
Entertainment
For people
That are
Unhappy
With their
Life

-Yellowbonewonda

“All Rights Reserved: The copyright holder retains all the rights provided by copyright law, such as distribution, performance, and creation of their work.

“Crashing Below”

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I’m standing
Naked
And exposed
With no secrets
To hide
While everyone
Gauk at me
And shake
Their head
As I tell
My truth
I’m tired of
Being the
Leading lady
In this
Drama series
Full of hate
I’m sick
Of making
People believe
The lies
We are spoon
Feeding them
It’s cheap Caviar
In an expensive
Restaurant
We can’t pay
We are not
The perfect couple
We have not
Been happy
And in love
For some time
It’s only a front
For company
On special occasions
Or on family days
Packed with fun
I’m just tired
Of pretending
That
We have a home
When it’s
Only four walls
And furniture
It is
Empty with
No soul
I am no longer
Afraid
Of losing
This thing
We’ve built
With smoke screens
And mirrors
It’s time to let go
I’m not getting
Paid for
My skills
I’ve played
This character
Well enough
This award
Winning performance
As the good wife
It is played out
And I’m
Canceling
The show
I’ve been
Dangled
Off a
Condemned bridge
For far
Too long
I felt him
When he let go
Losing his grip
On my hand
My death
Was slow
I fell
On the rocks
And
My body
Split
In two
Yet that
Wasn’t my torture
It was when
He
Looked down
Stared back
And laughed
At me
Without a care
Where did
It all go wrong
When did you start
Hating me
I remembered
You loved me
You said
You saw
A life
Within me
But your actions
Said differently
My best friend
Became my enemy
And the murderer
That left me
Freezing
In the cold

-Yellowbonewonda

“All Rights Reserved: The copyright holder retains all the rights provided by copyright law, such as distribution, performance, and creation of their work.

“My Enemy Of My Enemy”

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You live
With them
Everyday
Going to
Family events
Birthdays
Funerals
And
Holidays
You shouldn’t
Have to
Be afraid
Of what
They will
Do behind
Your back
But you are
You can’t
Trust them
As far as
You can throw
Them
It’s that
Heartbreaking
Saying
Who needs
Enemies
When you have
Family
No stranger can
Do worst
Than them
Than people
Closer to you
They know
You better
Than anyone
They are family
Your secrets
Are their ammunition
And they use
Them
Like bullets
Hitting you
In rapid
Fire sessions
Center mass
Shredding your heart
Into pieces
Guaranteeing no
Chance of rescuitation
All that’s
Needed to
Be done
Is to
Pronounce you
DOA
At the scene

-Yellowbonewonda

“All Rights Reserved: The copyright holder retains all the rights provided by copyright law, such as distribution, performance, and creation of their work.

“Animal Insincts”

I’m reduced to
Waiting for someone
To feed me my food
Through a closed
Fortified door

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People still feel my frustration
Fearing my aggressiveness
Afraid of my sharp teeth
And razor cut claws
These prison guards know
How much I hunger for freedom
And if they make one slip up
I won’t waste my opportunity
They think I am the lesser of humanity
That my life is not valuable as any other life
On this Earth
I watch as they Kill us
One by one as if it’s for sport
Mounting our heads on their wall
As if it was a fair fight
Using bullets
Tazers and tranquilizer darts
Pretending to be the ultimate predator
But come at me without your weapons
And you will see my aggressive nature
I have been a caged animal
For so long
Captured by man
Taken from my home
Separated from my pride
A magnificent beast
I was
Full of life
No one could compare me
To any other
I turned heads by my shining grace
I was a majestic royal
I made the laws of the lands
Even though it’s confusing
I was feared by everyone
And loved by all
Top of the food chain
Inside my own domain
Now I’m reduced to
People’s amusement
They point and laugh
At my sadness
I’m stuck in this cage
Missing my home
Imprisoned for the rest of my life
I’m disappearing
Diminishing to a mere house pet
I must remember everyday
And not be broken down
I am a fierce predator
That stands in front of you
I have strong bloodlines
Coursing through my veins
Calming my spirit
Encouraging me to imagine
The crisp air back home
Feeding the predator in me
I am not just an animal
And it doesn’t
Give you
The right
To erase my kind
As if we don’t matter
I am a determined
To get back to my family
You will not be
Stuffing or mounting me
Any time in the near future

-Yellowbonewonda

“All Rights Reserved: The copyright holder retains all the rights provided by copyright law, such as distribution, performance, and creation of their work.”

“Breaking Down”

I have not done it in awhile
But I had a good reason
My body was not prepared
For the new stretches

Muscles have weakened
Stiff and not as limber
As it once was
Only a few years ago

I bent over to
Touch my toes
As I came up
I stopped

Suddenly half way up
I grabbed
Under my breast
Swelling had already set in

As big as my palm
Increasing by the second
Almost covering half my body
Over my ribs

It felt so unnatural
All I could do was
Hold on to dear life
To a chair arms length away
from me

The pain was nothing
I could walk off
My eyes teared up
Someone noticed

Causing panic all around me
People rushing to my rescue
My silence and facial expressions
Said it all

I couldn’t speak
I couldn’t move
I couldn’t breathe
I could only hear the person

Standing next to me
Holding me up
Saying
Take a slow

Deep breath
Breathe breathe
Don’t tense up
It wasn’t working

The attention of everyone staring
Made me more anxious
I was panicking
The surges were hitting me

Worser than the other
Getting rapid and stronger
Coming one after another
Not giving me a chance to catch my breath

Don’t touch me
Don’t move me
Played in my head
Just leave me be

I can get through this
Don’t bother
It was as if something was moving
Under my chest outward

It felt like a ripple effect
As if someone
Had thrown a pebble
Into a body of still water

Causing
A sound so clear
But faint
And if you turned away

Before the pebble hit
You miss the awesomeness
In seeing something so small
Causing water

To move in rapid motion
Creating mini
Circles
Expanding bigger and bigger

Until it disappears
But to me
It was not awesomeness
It was pure torture

So bad I felt like I was having
An out of body experience
Escaping for a moment
Until it was safe

To re-enter
I would not
Wish this pain
On my worst enemy

I hate being this broken
Helpless
And so angry
Because no one knows how to fix me

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-Yellowbonewonda

“All Rights Reserved: The copyright holder retains all the rights provided by copyright law, such as distribution, performance, and creation of their work.”

“Shadow Games”

I am not satisfied
Not by the food I eat
Not by the career I chose
Not even my purpose in this life

I question myself on a daily
Where am I going
In this lifetime
I have been wondering aimlessly
Far too long

I am hungry for something
That feels so far
Out of my reach
This craving has created sleepless nights
Making me delirious and crazy

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It has me spinning in circles
Chasing my tail
I am so clueless
I do not know what I want

Or what direction to go
I am a dog looking for my bone
Unsure
Where I buried it

It seems I’ve been searching
For what I’ve been missing inside myself
So long it’s becoming an unsolvable mystery
My anxiety has been building up

Feels like a volcano
Ready to erupt
Flowing out Hot lava
Burning everything it touches

This hunger of mine
Is a torturous thing
Never giving me peace
My stomach is always rumbling

As if I am starving
But I skip no meals
I have always cleared my plate
I eat everything

Getting my nourishment
It’s not enough
I have never felt full
A familiar emptiness

That has been with me
Since my first breath
That has grown stronger and stronger
Day after day

I am being pulled
In all directions
I feel I’m coming undone
I am afraid

That what I’m searching and craving for
May never be found
My hunger is leading me blindly
Only to have me chasing shadows

-Yellowbonewonda

“All Rights Reserved: The copyright holder retains all the rights provided by copyright law, such as distribution, performance, and creation of their work.”